I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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