She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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