Do you still have your period?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
