Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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