oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
