Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
