can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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