There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
