What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
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My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize