Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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