I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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