I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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