the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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