she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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