Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
