your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just cut my nipple shaving
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
