dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
His hands were made for my vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
