it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We need to get me chipped asap
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
