Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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