I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
