Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
