Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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