I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
