Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
