Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
