Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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