Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
