Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
