i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
