It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
