The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
