The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
3pm strippers are depressing
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
