i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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