yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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