Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
