your parents love me but you hate me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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