why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
