bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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