He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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