So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
