There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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