Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
