I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
