Will you blow on my dice?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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