Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
