is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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