why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
