You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
