As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
