Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
