i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
