I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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