I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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