My room smells like vodka and shame
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
