woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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