Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and she was petting her beer can
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
