The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
