Got a toothbrush?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
