morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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