Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
