can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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