YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
