My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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