i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
