I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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