drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
